Saturday, December 07, 2002

    ahhhhh, so whats new?

ive been one month and three days since my last confession.

ive been to a few gigs, some parties, drank copious amounts of alcohol, worked my ass off, and spent as much time as possible with rebecca. its got to the point where i just want to spend as much time as i can in her presence. she's the person i think of first thing in the morning, and usualy the last person before i go to sleep. i honestly dont think ive felt so strongly about someone for a *long* time. and she has started coming out with my other friends more often too. she thinks people hate her (probably because shes so quiet). thats just not true though. i wish she would stop disliking herself so much (and start liking me even more) Its doing my head in. Im scared to say anything to her in case it fucks things up, and i think she is too shy to do anything (not that i know she feels the same way). I just dont want to fuck things up with her. and if i said something, and she didnt feel like that, im sure she would freak out, and start avoiding me. and i definitely couldnt handle that.

a mate of mine acts differently around her. its really weird. he goes all camp and weird. i think its his way of trying to flirt with her. and its doing my head in. its got to the point where i dont want to invite him out when she is with me. partially i think its because i feel threatened by him doing this. what *if* she responds? i sincerely doubt she would, but if anything did happen, it would destroy me. and i really think it would end my friendship with him. and i dont want that.

its all one big mess. im too scared to tell her how i feel in case it ruins my friendship with her, and im jealous as hell of anyone that pays her a little too much attention, in case they make a move on her. if we *were* together i would be happy about her talking to my friends this much... but because we arent, and dont know if we will be, i get all jealous.

my brain hurts. i need alcohol and skunk.
and im out of skunk, and low on booze.

and i feel sick. mostly because its all i seem to be thinking about recently.

i think i should go offline and go watch some cartoons or something. hopefully wake up in the morning feeling better about life, and happier than i feel right now.

scribbled by: wanye at 21:42